Joke Thread

tell jokes!!!
i got one chuck norris joke!

if there was a fight between chuck norris and god who'd win?....

ah! TRICK QUESTION! chuck norris IS god!

Why do french like escargo?

Cause they don't like fast food. hahahahha get it? snails are slow.. hmmm... hahaahh..... hah...

1. A man walks into a bar.....OUCH!

2. How does Michael Jackson know it's bedtime?
When the big hand touches the little hand.

3. Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, we'll never forget you!'

4. It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

Jesus and his God Stick wrote:

1. A man walks into a bar.....OUCH!

2. How does Michael Jackson know it's bedtime?
When the big hand touches the little hand.

3. Two women friends had gone out for a Girls Night Out, and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home they suddenly realized they both needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with so she took off her panties, used them and threw them away. Her friend however was wearing an expensive underwear set and didn't want to ruin hers, but was lucky enough to salvage a large ribbon from a wreath that was on a grave and proceeded to wipe herself with it. After finishing, they made their way home.

The next day the first woman's husband phones the other husband and said, "These damn girls nights out have got to stop. My wife came home last night without her panties." "That's nothing," said the other. "Mine came back with a sympathy card stuck between the cheeks of her butt that said, 'From all of us at the Fire Station, we'll never forget you!'

4. It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.

When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift envelope.

At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee.

She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced.

When he had had enough they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast, eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshly squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee.

As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?"

"Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you."

He said, "Fuck him, give him a dollar."

The lady then said, "The breakfast was my idea."

lmao! those are pretty good. ill try to think of some i know of

what do michael jackson and mcdonalds have in common?
they both put big meant in little buns....

ew, lol

Livin&Rockin wrote:

every single i joke i make on here is in good taste, im not a racist or sexist.

Q: Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
A: God gave him his gas bill.

Q: What's that shriveled up old thing on Grandma?

A: Grandpa.

Young Susan asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
DAD: "Only if you suck my cock, Susan. You know the rules..."
Susan sighs and drops to her knees. Dad whips his unit out and she plants her lips around it. Instantly she recoils in disgust.
SUSAN: "Eurrghh! It tastes like shit!"
DAD: " Yeah, your brother wanted to borrow twenty bucks..."

A guy decided that he wanted to be a black guy. So he goes to the doctor to find out what kind of surgeries need to be done. The doctor outlines a plan of skin darkening, penis extension, hair-curling, etc... Then, when all this is done, the most important part of the operation is to be done, cutting out half the guy's brain.

So, the guy goes for it, all the operations are done flawlessly until the brain surgery. During the brain surgery, an earthquake rocks the hospital and causes the surgeon's hand to slip. He accidently cuts out 3/4 of the brain instead of 1/2. The surgeon corrects the problem as much as he is able, but not much can be done to reattach the severed brain. So he closes him up and waits to see the results.

Later, the guy wakes up and the surgeon comes in to ask him questions. "Mr. Johnson, can you hear me?"

"Si."

hahahahahahahahaha that made me laugh so hard!!!

Prize to whoever knows who said these! Its really ashame if you don't. lol

I bought myself a parrot. The parrot talked. But it did not say, "I'm hungry." So it died.

I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. "Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here."

A kitten bats around a ball of yarn but what he's really saying is, "You know I can't knit, motherfucker, take it off me!!." That is one foul mouthed kitten.

I saw a fish all by itself, I said, "Dude, you should stay in school."

If you can't sleep, count sheep. Don't count endangered animals because you will run out.

I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get pissed off at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey pastrami, turkey bologna. Someone needs to tell the turkey "Man, just be yourself. I already like you, little brother. You do not need to emulate the other animals. You got your own thing goin'. I used to draw you." (Stares at hand.) Man, if you were missing a couple of fingers, you drew one messed-up turkey. You'd be like, "That turkey's been in an accident."

I was in a restaurant and I ordered a chicken sandwich, but I don't think the waitress heard me because she said, "OK, how would you like your eggs, sir?" I tried to answer anyhow: "Incubated. And then raised. And then beheaded. And then plucked. And then cut up. And then put on a grill. And then put on a bun. Damn, it's gonna take a while. I don't have time. Scrambled!"

Foosball messed up my perception of soccer. I thought you had to kick the ball and then spin 'round and round. I can't do a back flip, much less several... simultaneously with two other guys... that look just like me.

I played golf, I'm not good at golf, I never got a hole-in-one ... but I did hit a guy. And that's way more satisfying. You're supposed to yell "fore," but I was too busy mumbling, "There ain't no way that's gonna hit him." I hit a guy in one. What's par for hitting a guy? One. If you hit a guy in two, you are an asshole.

You know, people think I'm into sports just because I'm a man. I'm not into sports. I mean, I like Gatorade, but that's about as far as it goes. By the way, you don't have to be sweaty and holding a basketball to enjoy a Gatorade. You could just be a thirsty dude. Gatorade forgets about this demographic. I'm thirsty for absolutely no reason. Other than the fact that liquid has not touched my lips for some time. Can I have a Gatorade too, or does that lightning bolt mean "No"?

This one time I was in a convenience store, and a guy came up and asked me, "What's the score?" and I said, "What is the game? If it's a competition between me and you, and the object is to ask the other guy questions that befuddle him, then you are winning, one to nothing. Are you happy now, you competitive fucker!?"

You know, if I made orange juice, I would not be so hardcore on people. I would be more polite, like I would not print 'shake well' on the carton, cause you don't know how good people can shake, you know? I would write, 'Shake to the best of your ability.' Then I'd have a diagram that shows the uninitiated how to shake. 'Alright, put it over here, then put it over here, then put it over here quicker.'

All McDonalds commercials end the same way: "prices and participation may vary." I want to open my own McDonalds and not participate in anything. I want to be a stubborn McDonalds owner. "Cheeseburgers? Nope. We got spaghetti!...And blankets. But we are not affiliated with that clown. He attracts too many children."

When you go to a restaurant on the weekends and it's busy they start a waiting list. They start calling out names, they say "Dufrenes, party of two. Dufrenes, party of two." And if no one answers they'll say their name again. "Dufrenes, party of two, Dufrenes, party of two." But then if no one answers they'll just go right on to the next name. "Busch, party of three." Yeah, but what happened to the Dufrenes? No one seems to give a shit. Who can eat at a time like this - people are missing. You people are selfish... the Dufrenes are in someone's trunk right now, with duct tape over their mouths. And they're hungry! That's a double whammy. We need help. Busch, search party of three! You can eat once you find the Dufrenes.

I went to a restaurant, and I saw a guy wearing a leather jacket, eating a hamburger, drinking a glass of milk. I said, "Dude, you are a cow. The metamorphosis is complete. Do not fall asleep or I will tip you over."

I have a cheese-shredder, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, cause no one would buy it: sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, and now I have little bits of sponge... that would melt easily over tortilla chips.

I had a bag of Fritos, but these were Texas Grilled Fritos. These Fritos had grill marks on them. Hell yeah. Reminds me of summer, when we used to fire up the barbecue and throw down some Fritos. I can still see my dad with the apron on. "Better flip that Frito Dad, you know how I like mine.......with grill marks."

I had a box of Ritz crackers and on the back of the box of Ritz crackers it had all these suggestions as to what to put on top of the Ritz. It said, "Try it with turkey and cheese." "Try it with peanut butter." Oh, c'mon man, they're crackers. That's why I got 'em — I like crackers. There ain't no suggestion: "Put a Ritz on top of a Ritz." I didn't buy 'em 'cuz they're little edible plates.

I think Pringles' initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid-back company. They said, "Fuck it. Cut 'em up!"
I bought a doughnut from a store and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut. I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. Man, I'll just give you money, then you give me the doughnut. End of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I just can't imagine a scenario where I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend: "Don't even act like I didn't get that doughnut, I've got the documentation right here. Oh wait, it's at home, in the file... under D... for doughnut.

I like waffles better than pancakes. Because waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps. They say to syrup, "You ain't going anywhere, don't even be trying to creep down the sides. Just rest in these squares, if one square is full, move to the next one. When you hit butter, split up."

I want to make a vending machine that sells vending machines... It would have to be real fucking big!

I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store oftentimes I will drop it, so that it achieves its maximum flavor potential.

I had a stick of Carefree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality.

I get the Reese's candy bar. If you read that name "Reese's", that's an apostrophe S. Reese's apostrophe S at the end of that name. That means the candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar and a guy name Reese comes by and says, "Let me have that," you better hand it over. "I'm sorry, Reese. I didn't think I'd ever run into you. You're a fuckin' bully, man! Let me at least have a Piece."

I enjoy a Kit Kat, unless I'm with four or more people.

They say that the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime, but I tried to make it at home, there's more to it than that. "Hey, you want some more homemade Sprite?" "Not until you figure out what the fuck else is in it!"

I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

I used to buy a lot of M&Ms, they're a delicious candy. But then I switched to aspirin. I find that if you hand your friend two aspirin, he doesn't look at you like you're selfish.

At a stoplight, green means go, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. For a banana it's just the opposite. Green means hold on, yellow means go right ahead, and red means, dude, where the fuck did you get that banana at?

Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something

Spaghetti... I can't eat spaghetti, there's too many of them. No matter how hungry I am, 1000 of something is too many. I'll have 1000 pieces of noodle.

You shouldn't put stickers on a fruit. I know it has a smooth surface, but come on, fuck, leave it be. That's why I'm eating an apple, because it's a one hand operation. Sticker removal is a two hand operation. This hand said "Let me have a break" and I said "Sure, you can hang to the side. I will have an apple." And I'm eating the apple, "It's cool, hand, you're hanging. Oh shit, there's a sticker. Sorry, dude, but you're back in action."

I'm at a hotel room and my friend comes over and he says, "Can I use the phone?" I said, "Certainly." He said, "Do I need to dial nine?" "Yeah, especially if it's in the number. You can try hitting four and five back to back real quick."

I had an apartment and I had a neighbour, and whenever he would knock on my wall I knew he wanted me to turn my music down and that made me angry 'cause I like loud music... so when he knocked on the wall, I'd mess with his head. I'd say, "Go around! I cannot open the wall! I dunno if you have a doorknob on your side but over here there's nothin'. It's just flat."

I bought a house. It's a 2 bedroom house. But I think it's up to me how many bedrooms there are. Don't you? Fuck you, real estate lady, this bedroom has an oven in it! This bedroom has a lot of people sitting around watching TV. This bedroom's over in that guy's house. Sir, you've got one of my bedrooms, are you aware? Don't decorate it!

I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. Damn. I think that the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around, then when I finally make it in the guy will say, "Can I help you, sir?" and I'll say, "Just practicing."

Kinko's is my favorite copy place 'cause it's open 24 hours. Like, if it's three in the morning, and I suddenly decide I need two of something, I'm covered. Sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat: "Shit... oh yeah, Kinko's... alright, that will not remain singular."

I have a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one ever needed to sleep over, I guess he'd be comfortable. "Oh, you're a king, you say? Wait until you see what I have in store for you! It is to your exact specifications...I did not know you guys were all the same size. I think I can set your lady up too!" When I was a kid, I laid awake in my twin-sized bed wonderin' where my brother was...

I want to be a race car passenger—just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say, man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why we gotta keep going in circles? Can I stick my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide."

I went to the park and saw this kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why; that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed. Imagine trying to fly a chair. You'd have to run like a motherfucker.

I like an escalator because an escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out-of-order" sign. Just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience. We apologize for the fact that you can still get up there."

One time a guy handed me a picture of himself, and he said, "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. "Here's a picture of me when I am older." "You son of a bitch, how'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera, what's it look like?"

Dr. Scholl is a doctor, which means he spent nine years in med school. That man wasted his time. It took him nine years to learn that cushions make shoes comfortable. I would have bought that shit from a Mr. Scholl. Maybe even a Señor Scholl.

I was at a club and they had blacklights everywhere. A blacklight is a light that makes everyone look cool... except me, 'cause I was under the impression that the mustard stain came out.

I was walking down the street with my friend and he said, "I hear music." As though there's any other way to take it in. You're not special. That's how I receive it too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.

You know when you go to a concert like punk-rock and the kids get on stage and they jump into the crowd? People think that's dangerous, but not me... because humans are made of 95% water, so the audience is 5% away from a pool.

I saw a commercial that said, "Forget everything you know about slipcovers!" ... So I did. And it was a load off my mind. Then the commercial tried to sell me slipcovers, but I didn't know what the hell they were.

I have 2 sisters, and one of them is named Wendy, and if you asked Wendy if I was weird, she'd probably say yeah. But that's backwards, 'cause she's weird. 'Cause, she has a husband, and two children, and they have a family photo on top of their VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something's goin' on over there. The camera is right in front of you, but I guess something happened to the left, that made everybody happy. Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right on.

I wrote a letter to my dad. I wanted to write, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote "rarely" instead of "really." But I still wanted to use it! I didn't want to cross it out, so I wrote, "I rarely... drive steamboats, Dad — there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away.

I was gonna stay over at my friend's house. She says "You're gonna have to sleep on the floor." Damn gravity! Got me again. You don't know how bad I wanna sleep on the wall!

I got in an argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because then I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up really quick? "*zzzt* ... Fuck you

I have a girlfriend named Lynn. She spells her name L-Y-N-N. And my old girlfriend's name was Lyn, too. She spells her name L-Y-N. Every now and then I mess up and call my new girlfriend by my old girlfriend's name. And she can tell because I don't say "nn" as long.

I thought my teeth were white, until I washed my face with Noxzema. They're not white, they're off-white. Hell, I'm not even white, I'm off-white. We're a new race, we will prevail!

My roommate says, "I need to shave and use the shower. Does anyone need to use the bathroom?" It's like some weird-ass quiz where he reveals the answer first.

I was in my hotel's shower, and I started washing my hair, then I looked at the bottle, and it turned out I was using body wash. It was like a scene from one of those action movies where they get real close to the object. I was like, "Body wash... BODY WASH?" And then I realized my hair was part of my body and I didn't even care.

Imagine if you were a drummer, and you accidentally picked up two magic wands instead of sticks. There you are, keeping the beat, and the next thing you know your bass player turns into a can of soup.

I saw a girl picking a flower's pedals, saying "He loves me, he loves me not." And I thought to myself "What if that flower could talk?" It'd be like "FUCK! that hurts!! FUCK! That hurts as well!! Fuck you, I'm no longer pretty! And he loves you not! I could've told you I had an even number of pedals!!"

Last week I helped my friend stay put. It's a lot easier than helping someone move. I just went over to his house and made sure that he did not start to load shit into a truck.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

I hate dreaming. Because when you sleep, you wanna sleep. Dreaming is work, ya know? There I am in a comfortable bed, the next thing you know, I have to build a go-kart with my ex-landlord. I want to dream of me watching myself sleep.

Thirteen's an unlucky number. If thirteen's unlucky, then so should the letter B be. Cuz B looks like a scrunched together thirteen. "Hello. What's your name?" "BOB." "Get the fuck away!"

As an adult, I'm not supposed to go down slides. So, if I'm at the top of a slide, I have to pretend like I got there accidentally. "How'd I get up here, God dammit?! I guess I have to slide down. Weeee." That's what you say when you're having fun — you refer to yourself and some other people.


HOLY SHIT THATS ALOT.
hahahha.

With Jesus' awesome mind reading powers and a little help from Google, it says Mitch Hedberg

Jesus and his God Stick wrote:

With Jesus' awesome mind reading powers and a little help from Google, it says Mitch Hedberg

CHEATER!
lol.

Mmmmyes.
He was one funny mofo.
I hope you're taking care of him in heaven.


lol.

Haha, along the lines of the other joke... (again, I too am not racist or anything)


What do you call it when white guys jump out of an airplane?

Day.

What do you call it when black guys jump out of an airplane?

Night.

What do you call it when mexicans jump out of an airplane?

Pollution.

What did the white jew say to the black one?






Get to the back of the oven!

Livin&Rockin wrote:

sorta lame but here it goes

Why do women rub there eyes when they wake up in the morning?


Because they don't have balls to scratch

thats not true, i have balls to scratch!

Livin&Rockin wrote:

every single i joke i make on here is in good taste, im not a racist or sexist.

Q: Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
A: God gave him his gas bill.

Q: What's that shriveled up old thing on Grandma?

A: Grandpa.

Young Susan asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
DAD: "Only if you suck my cock, Susan. You know the rules..."
Susan sighs and drops to her knees. Dad whips his unit out and she plants her lips around it. Instantly she recoils in disgust.
SUSAN: "Eurrghh! It tastes like shit!"
DAD: " Yeah, your brother wanted to borrow twenty bucks..."

A guy decided that he wanted to be a black guy. So he goes to the doctor to find out what kind of surgeries need to be done. The doctor outlines a plan of skin darkening, penis extension, hair-curling, etc... Then, when all this is done, the most important part of the operation is to be done, cutting out half the guy's brain.

So, the guy goes for it, all the operations are done flawlessly until the brain surgery. During the brain surgery, an earthquake rocks the hospital and causes the surgeon's hand to slip. He accidently cuts out 3/4 of the brain instead of 1/2. The surgeon corrects the problem as much as he is able, but not much can be done to reattach the severed brain. So he closes him up and waits to see the results.

Later, the guy wakes up and the surgeon comes in to ask him questions. "Mr. Johnson, can you hear me?"

"Si."

not funny

(Sorry if anyone gets offended by this).

3 Muslim terrorists are waiting in their classroom for their teacher. After a while, the teacher walks in and says, "OK. I'm going to do a demonstration. But watch carefully as I'm only going to do it once".

Jesus and his God Stick wrote:

(Sorry if anyone gets offended by this).

3 Muslim terrorists are waiting in their classroom for their teacher. After a while, the teacher walks in and says, "OK. I'm going to do a demonstration. But watch carefully as I'm only going to do it once".

LMFAO!

rodrigo wrote:

Livin&Rockin wrote:

every single i joke i make on here is in good taste, im not a racist or sexist.

Q: Why did Hitler cry when he got to heaven?
A: God gave him his gas bill.

Q: What's that shriveled up old thing on Grandma?

A: Grandpa.

Young Susan asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
DAD: "Only if you suck my cock, Susan. You know the rules..."
Susan sighs and drops to her knees. Dad whips his unit out and she plants her lips around it. Instantly she recoils in disgust.
SUSAN: "Eurrghh! It tastes like shit!"
DAD: " Yeah, your brother wanted to borrow twenty bucks..."

A guy decided that he wanted to be a black guy. So he goes to the doctor to find out what kind of surgeries need to be done. The doctor outlines a plan of skin darkening, penis extension, hair-curling, etc... Then, when all this is done, the most important part of the operation is to be done, cutting out half the guy's brain.

So, the guy goes for it, all the operations are done flawlessly until the brain surgery. During the brain surgery, an earthquake rocks the hospital and causes the surgeon's hand to slip. He accidently cuts out 3/4 of the brain instead of 1/2. The surgeon corrects the problem as much as he is able, but not much can be done to reattach the severed brain. So he closes him up and waits to see the results.

Later, the guy wakes up and the surgeon comes in to ask him questions. "Mr. Johnson, can you hear me?"

"Si."

not funny

hahaha at first i was like "why would senor be mad about a black joke" but then i read that whole thing.

Q: how does a gay guy fake an orgasum?
A: spits on his back..

Q: what do u call a gay guy in a sleeping bag?
A: a fruit-roll up.

Q: what do u call a gay farmer?
A: jolly racher

Q: who do michael jackson and Xbox have in common?
A: they both get turned on by little kids

Q: so this guy rides in on a horse into a town to get some beer and relax.. he gets off the horse, walks to the back of the horse, and kisses it RIGHT ON THE ASS. then he walks into the bar.. the bar tender askes "what doya like?" he said, "get me a miller.." the bartender does it and he goes, "its none of my buisnes but i saw you kiss your horses ass, whats that about?" he said "i have chaped lips" the bartenders said "is that a quir?" he said "no, keeps me from licking them"